Saturday, September 26, 2009

Nothing Says Love Like A Saw to the Neck

Ummm, can we say CPS? My babygirl is the leader in that picture. Taking charge with the saw????

The little girl next to Ava is really one of her sweetest friends. Even with a screwdriver in her hands she still manages to make it a "girly" activity. Her parents are good friends of mine. They have 2 little girls at home so their house is pretty full of estrogen. Here's a recent conversation they had.

Dad: You know, I love having 2 daughters. Really it's the best. But you know, I would love to have a son.

Mom: What do you mean?

Dad: Well, it would just be nice to go outside and play catch or something manly.

Mom: I bet Aubrey would love to go outside and play catch with you.

Dad: I don't know. She's pretty girly. Not sure if she'd be all that into it.

Mom: Are you kidding, she'd love to play with her Dad. Go ask her

Dad: "Aubrey, do you want to go outside and play football with me?"

Aubrey: "Sure Dadddy. Just hold on one minute while I run and get my princess ball"

Friday, September 18, 2009

You Forget the Pain of Childbirth...who are we kidding?

How many times have you heard, "Don't worry, you'll forget the pain of childbirth." Ummm, hello. Not so much. I remember exactly the kind of pain I had while giving life to a new creature with my first child.

I was not naive to the pain of childbirth while pregnant with my 2nd offspring. I knew that when the time came, and it would, that I would much prefer a fork in the eye to pushing out an 8lb baby. I was scared.

Labor started the night before. I was being induced just like I had with my first child. I'm a rip the band-aid off kinda girl. Let's just get this done. So we arrived at the hospital. This time my bag was packed with realistic items. With my first child I actually packed size small pajama's to wear after I gave birth. Was I really that naive. You know, I couldn't even fit my leg into those pj's after giving birth. Did I really think I was immediately going to return to my normal size once the baby was born? Apparently I did. This time I went all in and packed XL maternity pj's.

The nurses did their thing as did my husband, going right to sleep on the fold out bed. About 2 hrs in I was already feeling some pretty heavy contractions. I tried to brave through it. I'm a suffer in silence type. I would have been able to do it too if my husband hadn't been snoring sooooo LOUDLY beside me. I remember laying there in bed not being able to move with all the gadgets hooked up to me. Not being able to put an elbow in my husband's back as I usually did when he snored. It was like Chinese Torture sitting there listening to the snores. I kid you not, I compared it to being trapped in a cage with a dripping faucet. Mind Torture. I did what any woman would do. Threw whatever I could reach and aimed it at his head. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful as he just grabbed the pillow I had launched and used it to cushion his head. And then I just missed my pillow.

By the time morning arrived I was looking like a soldier in battle. Tears hadn't come yet. I was still determined to keep my wits about me. Stay the course. After dilating to a 6 I finally spoke out and said, "It's time for the epidural please." Ever polite. I am a little crazy when it comes to "public" behavior. Always reminding myself that people will respond better if I'm nice to them. Maybe I'll try and tell a couple of jokes to get these people on my side. Yeah, that's it. I'll win them over with my charm and become their favorite patient. Yeah, that's it, that's what I'll do. That lasted for all of 5 minutes.

The epidural didn't work yet again. It happened with my first child. Why didn't I prepare for this? Did I really think it was a fluke the first time? I have scoliosis where my spine makes a wicked S. Thus making it very difficult to get the needle in straight. What does that give you, only half of your body half numb. 4 more hours passed. 2 more epidural attempts were made. I had to lay in a certain position on my side for hours. I can't remember why exactly,..something about the baby. I'm sure it was important. That in itself is torture. When everything in your body is telling you to get up and move but you can't. You can't because you have electronic gadgets coming out of your yoowho. I clicked and clicked the epidural button hoping for any kind of relief. All it did was numb my left leg. Numb it so much that now the leg was miserably stiff and I had to be moved like people trying to lift an elephant.

I had the most fantastic nurse. The one and only reason I made it through the battle. I remember laying there saying crazy things. Things like, "Jesus take me. For the love of God please someone help me. For everything holy in this world, end it. End it now." My husband heard my gibberish and went to grab the nurse. They came to find that I had used all the medicine in the epidural and needed to change the pump.

That damn pump. The pump that I worked for via 3 epidural attempts. The pump was stuck and the nurse couldn't get it open. I heard her grunting as she tried to pry it open. Next thing I knew she handed my husband a wrench. Yes, I said WRENCH. I couldn't believe my eyes. This was what I was suppose to rely on? My husband and his tool belt? At this point I knew it was all me. I was doing this alone. I started yelling, "Forget the bleeping pump. This baby is coming. The baby is coming now. I'm going to push whether or not you guys are ready so someone better catch the baby,...and I did. Started pushing.

Finally the doctor came in. Of course what did I say to her,..."Hi Dr, how are you?" Her reply, "Well, not as good as you." WTH,..did I just hear you say that? Surely you didn't. Not as good as me? I'm strapped like a prisoner to a bed with a baby crashing down my vagina and a husband next to me with a wrench and you think I'm the one having a better day? Now of course I said all of this only in my head. My response to her was a smile. Yes, I'm crazy.

Baby boy came out shoulder to shoulder. He didn't come out the conventional way of one shoulder at a time. Apparently he was ready to get the hell out of there too. I didn't care about the pain. I just wanted to do what I had to do to end this 15 hour torture trip.

The good news is baby boy was of course well worth it. But forget the pain, never.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Bloggers, can you do me a favor?

These are the questions I am asked on a weekly basis, sometimes more.

What is blogging. What's the point? It seems like it would take a lot of time. Do you make money from a blog? How do you get followers, who do you follow?

People are so intrigued by it even if they really don't know what "blogging" is. So I'm going to try and explain it. I'm going to explain it through my eyes and how I see it.

Blogging in my opinion is new age letter writing. Remember back to a time when people actually wrote letters. We put our precious thoughts down on paper and sealed them with a stamp. Some might say that email is the new form of letter writing. I disagree. How often do you spill all your thoughts into an email. How often do you pour out emotion in a written form on a regular basis?

Blogging is a snapshot into a life. It's a glimpse at some one's struggles or success. When you read some one's story long enough you find compassion and empathy for another. I love to visit other Mommy bloggers. You are immediately met with an impression as soon as you enter their town in blogworld. With their headers, graphics and sometimes music they have selected to play.

Everyone wants to be heard. No, everyone needs to be heard. I think this is one of the reasons why I enjoy other blogs so much. I am inspired by others putting their words on "paper." They have something to say, even if it's small. That's why I admire bloggers. We all feel at times that we have nothing important to offer. It's just little ol me. But the blogger who may feel that sometimes still believes in themselves enough to have the courage to put there words out there. I am honored to surround myself with some fantastic people. Their stories inspire and change me. Even if they don't know it.

So why do I blog? Quite simply, to see my thoughts in front of me. To have them written down. Life is a bunch of moments all rolled into one. These are my moments. To connect to thoughts and opinions of others that I may have never considered before. The more I read, the more I write, the more I realize that this world we live in really is filled with caring, honest and good people. That we are way more alike than we ever thought possible. To share the good, the bad and have fun along the way. I'm not concerned if money will be produced because of this blog. I'm not concerned with getting the most followers, although I adore you all! I am a FIRM believer that if you focus on your passion, focus on your strengths instead of weakness, the money will follow. It almost always does.

So if you are inclined to blog, than just go for it! See where it takes you. Come get me and I'll read your journey along with you.

Now I know I didn't answer all the questions specifically. I promise I'll be more technical later but tonight I wanted to share what it is I get from blogging.

Oh, I do have a favor, thus my title. For all my blog followers. If you currently have a blog can you please add your link to your profile. What I mean is, if I go click on your icon your link to your blog should come up. It's usually the first place I go when I'm catching up my blog reading. Many, many of you don't have your link there. I want to be sure to visit yours first. It's easy, just go do it!!!

Talk Soon,

Monday, September 14, 2009

Mamas Let Out of Their Cage

It was a Wednesday night. Getting late in the evening and heading over to a girlfriend's house in the rain. A friend had come to my rescue. You see, I HAD to get my hair done. It's all I have. My closet is sad. It bears no resemblance to the closet I had in my 20's. I can't even tell you without humiliating myself what kind of money I use to drop on my wardrobe. I was one trendy chick. In it's place is a mixture of clothing in sizes 2-12, depending on when I was pregnant last and how successful I had been at losing the "baby" weight. Confession, I gained 80 lbs with baby #1. Who does that? It took me over a year to lose it. Anyway, the hair is all I have left. I have a pretty fantastic hair do and it somehow makes even the jumpsuits I wear look good.

So in a desperate plea, I called my girlfriend and begged her to watch the kiddo's. I have a friend who once said, "Trying to get your husband or anyone else to watch the kids is like having to call the National Guard." So true.

This is how our out of control night began. Mommas on the lose.

After my fantastic and oh so magical hair appt, I went to pick up the kiddo's. The girlfriend's offered me a glass of wine which I politely accepted. Cut to 15 minutes later and we decided, no, were determined to go out. Husband's began getting home and wife's began telling them,

WIVES: "Here's the kids. We're going out. Every one's been fed so all you have to do is put them to bed."
HUSBANDS: "Tonight? It's a Wednesday night? What do you mean put the kids to bed?"
WIVES: "Yes, you remember. Put on their pj's and place them in the covers."
HUSBANDS: "What time will you be back"
WIVES: "I have no idea. Don't wait up"
HUSBANDS: looking panicked
WIVES: looking relieved

So we went to a bar only about a 5 minute drive from our house. This was one fancy bar. It was in the same parking lot as a "Loves" gas station. That's how we ride. Nothing but the best for us. We didn't care. It was close and cheap. It had been over 3 years since the 3 of us even went out together. The bonus of this luxurious bar, was KARAOKE night.

Give 3 tired Mommas a bunch of booze and a free microphone and what do you get?

Next thing I knew we were singing like no one could hear. Singing every kind of song that we had ever heard in our 30 plus years. The Karaoke host coined one of the Mom's as The PTA singer. It was us singing like we were 20 again. Demanding the stage. Me in my flip flops, denim capri and t-shirt singing Madonna's "Material Girl." We were all stars in our own right. For one night only, we weren't Mommas but beautiful songstresses blessing the crowd with our talent. I guess I should mention the "crowd" was only about 3 other tables. It's a small bar in a small town for pete's sake. That was probably their "busy" night.

We found ourselves onstage singing the ever popular "I Touch Myself." All 3 of us in all our glory doing something that only alcohol would have allowed. We followed that up with "I'm a B**ch" and of course every song from the movie "Grease."

The night was over but apparently I wasn't quite ready to rejoin the land of the sober as I decided to take the stage one more time. That's right. Karaoke king was putting away his equipment and the bar was closing. But not before I had to take it a step further. I took that stage, grabbed the mic and rocked it accapella. Out of all songs, I chose to sing "Smile." A favorite of mine. Not sure it was all that appropriate for a bar but there I was belting it out in all it's glory.

Needless to say the night ended with a good cry because that's how all girl night's end and off to bed to be ready for Mommy hood the next morning. The next 2 days were slow and foggy but I think I pulled it off ok. Kids are happy and fed and Mommy had a fantastic time. I think we made up for all the nights we hadn't gone out and it should last us for a long time.....

....We're going back this Wednesday but bringing more girls with us! be cont'd.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Over The Top!

Who doesn't like an award!? I do I do!! I think the last award I received was back in jr high when I managed to make my way through a gymnastics routine after a very unfortunate embarrassing moment on the uneven bars. Let's just say I was very nervous and my stomach was upset. Upset stomach met uneven bar when my bottom smacked right dab into the lower bar and the unthinkable happened. Right in front of all the judges and competitors. That's a another post.....breaking out into a cold sweat just thinking about it.

Amo from Where a Woman Shakes her Tablecloth has given me the "Over The Top" Award!!

Can't say enough about this fellow blogger. You have got to check out her blog. She writes as if she is having a conversation with you. Like if you were sitting down at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. Very candid, honest, funny and real. Most of all, so relateable.

Here are the rules for the Over the Top Award:USE ONLY ONE WORD! It’s not as easy as you might think. Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It’s really hard to use only one-word answers.

1. Where is your cell phone? charging

2. Your hair? dirty

3. Your mother? struggles

4. Your father? ill

5. Your favorite food? brisket

6. Your dream last night? weird

7. Your favorite drink? Mocha

8. Your dream/goal? Normalcy

9. What room are you in? Office

10. Your hobby? Music

11. Your fear? illness

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Content

13. Where were you last night? Home

14. Something that you aren’t? Fearful

15. Muffins? Cinnamon

16. Wish list item? Chi

17. Where did you grow up? Texas

18. Last thing you did? diaper

19. What are you wearing? shorts

20. Your TV? On

21. Your pets? hyper

22. Friends? loyal

23. Your life? beautiful

24. Your mood? cheerful

25. Missing someone? brother

26. Vehicle? old

27. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes

28. Your favorite store? Mine

29. Your favorite color? Blue

30. When was the last time you laughed? Today

31. Last time you cried? August

32. Your best friend? Erin

33. One place that I go to over and over? upstairs

34. One person who emails me regularly? Ivonne

35. Favorite place to eat? Sonic

Time to pass this baby on to some of my other favorite blogs!
Have fun and thanks again to Amo at Where a Woman Shakes her Tablecloth!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

What a Difference a Day Makes!

"Hello self, it's nice to see you again. You ROCK!" Ok, so I'm sitting at my computer all alone. Little man is upstairs taking a nap and baby girl is back at pre-school. I'm rock-in out to CCR singing along to "Suzy-Q" and "Have You Ever Seen the Rain" all be it quietly of course as not to wake little man and have my session with myself ended early. But the whisper of the lyrics is enthusiastic.

Baby girl L-O-V-E-D pre-school. All of her entire 4 year old self L-O-V-E-D it! Get this, she's disappointed that she only goes 2 days a week. Who knew?! Let me tell you, during her day off yesterday she was bored, so bored. This staying home thing is for the birds. What was painfully obvious,.....she has totally outgrown staying home with Momma, no matter how cool I am. I just can't compete with the kids at school who are so much groovier than me. C'mon, they can have intelligent discussions about what Spongebob said to Patrick and why Barney never blinks his eyes.

Here's some photo's of baby girl this morning so excited to go to school!

This morning was completely different than the one on Tuesday. We were all so excited. When we got to our car to load in, I turned on the CD player and we all danced out to Kelly Clarkson in our driveway. The neighbor saw us and decided to come join the party. Nothing like dancing outside in your driveway. Pure and innocent joy. Babies with big dimples and hearty chuckles while their little legs spin them around. I know it was a moment that will be frozen like still frames in my mind. Still frames that I will recall when my babies are all grown. And I will be proud of the job I did and the time I spent with them.

Your comments on Tuesday really touched me. Hold that thought,..Ring of Fire by Cash just came on and I can't help myself but to get up and dance,...that's right. I can do anything. No one's here, diapers to change, channels to change, sippy cups to fill. Back in a minute,......

Burn Burn Burn, the ring of fire....I fell into a burning ring of fire...yadda yadda...

Ok, back now. Man that felt good. Anyway, you savvy Mommy's out there hit the nail on the head when you said spend some time with little man before he too walks the halls. I have to tell you I was starting to think it was time for baby #3. Now for those that know me personally, you know how out of character that is for me. Baby #3,...I don't think so! 3 kids in a shopping cart, 3 car seats, 3 bedtimes,...ummmm not on your life. BUT with the pre-school blues the impulse was beginning to take over. So what was first on my list today after Pre-School drop off,...the pharmacy. That's right. I'm weak,..very impulsive so let's just take some precaution's for my overacting hormones before we make this family of 4 a family of 5. I already have a adorable baby still home with me. It's time to start spending some 1 on 1 time with him! He's always had to share me with baby girl but not now! It's you and me kiddo.

My mind is racing with things I could do today. I could:

  • Get the dusty sewing machine out and sew some of those adorable knot dresses that I oh so love. I have over 5 bins of vintage fabric from dear Grandma waiting for me to make some beautiful creations
  • Do some digital scrap booking. Have you tried that? No, need to. Absolutely so much fun! Get creative!!
  • Clean the house,...who are we kidding?
  • Pull out the old guitar. Back in my hay day I was pretty good with a guitar singing my songs of peace and inspiration. There was once a time I thought I was going to grow up to be a singer/songwriter. For the last few years the only new songs I've created have been about learning to go potty. But the guitar still sits out in my office as I can't bring myself to actually put it away. It's calling to me,..."Hello you inspirational Goddess...let's change the world through music."
  • Exercise...yeah, after I clean the house. Everyone hold their breath and tell my when pigs start to fly.

So here's to us and the new chapter in all our lives. Whatever chapter you're in we all share the same journey, just at different parts of the story. I hope all your stories have a happy ending and thank you for reading my story along with me.

Now I better hurry if I want to create an entire digital scrapbook and new wardrobe,...only 2 hours left before school lets out. A tad ambitious??? A girl can dream.

I'll leave you with the kiddo's seeing butterflies out the window before we left for school.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Pre-School Blues

Well, it's here. The day that I have to accept my little girl is growing up.

Today my daughter started Pre-School.

We have been working up to it for weeks. It started off with a bang. Ava woke up this morning and was sick. How ironic is that,...first day of school and the the poor girl was actually sick. She threw up all over the bed but was determined not to miss "playschool" as we call it.

Showed up to the school 20 minutes early. Not sure why I thought we needed to be there that early. You could definitely pick me out as the "new Mom on the block" at the school. With no conviction in my eyes, looking lost and holding tight to my daughter's hand and carrying my 18mth old son who weighs more than a 3 year old. It was the oddest thing. Dropping my child off with strangers who don't know the way she likes her sandwiches cut.

The saddest part was watching her walk away. We had been lingering in the hall while the teachers figured out which classroom she belonged in. I was waiting to say good-bye and give her a pep talk until it was time for me to leave. But the teacher came and took her hand and walked her into her classroom. I stayed back and watched her walk down the hall. All I could manage to say was, "Go with your teacher baby girl and have fun." She turned and looked into my eyes as she left. My heart folded into a bunch of pieces and landed in my throat. I stood there watching my baby turn into a big girl.

I turned to leave and all I could think was how I didn't get to hug her good-bye.

Have I done enough? Have I taught her well? Have I prepared her?

What I hope for her as she starts this new page in the chapter of her childhood:

To be kind

For others to be kind to her

That the other little girls and boys find her as adorable as I do

That her heart doesn't get broken

That she never feels alone or scared

That she doesn't miss Mommy nearly as much as I miss her

Go get 'em baby girl!