Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I should have stayed home

After dinner tonight I decided to load the kids up and take them out. We were all catching cabin fever with the crazy weather we've had lately so I thought it best to get us out for a bit. Now, I can be terribly lazy at times and just the mere thought of getting everyone loaded in the car defeats me before I have even begun. Reminds me of my cross country days where I would see the finish line in front of me but it was so far away. So far away that mentally I had lost the race before it even begun.

The load up. I can't stand it. Put on your shoes please. No, not those shoes it's cold outside. A tantrum begins and I cave in and decide fine, let the child wear flip flops even though it's 30% outside. Just not a battle I care to fight right now. Little man needs his diaper changed,..ok fine. I can handle that. He starts screaming at me. I'm sure calling me curse words in his baby language. "No, Mom I like walking around in my own poop. It's very comforting." Find the diaper bag, fill the diaper bag. Lug the huge diaper bag to the car. Now where's my car keys. Nice, little man decided to hide them under the couch just far enough out of reach where I had to move the entire sofa to get to them. Cut to 30 minutes later and beads of sweat along my forehead and we haven't even left yet. Finally load both kiddo's in the car and buckle them down.

I had planned to take them to McDonald's for ice scream and play time. Unfortunately the McDonald's closest to us is one of the dirty ones. You all know what I'm talking about. The McDonald's that looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years. The McDonald's that is in the slightly older area of town. It's a tough call because it's so much closer to your house but your gambling. Is the close drive worth the chance of catching swine flu? Suddenly I remember there's a Chick-Fil-A just as close so we head in that direction.

Coffee,...must have coffee... shutting down...powering down...need coffee. I stop in at the Starbucks. Curse you Starbucks for not having a drive through. Can I do it? Can I manage the kids inside Starbucks without leaving a trail of destruction behind us? Little man is strong and little man is stubborn. I walked in and everyone looked so put together. Everyone except me and my crew. I took notice of what we looked like in the reflection of the windows. I saw myself in a maternity hoodie, the shirt that I wore yesterday then slept in and turned around and wore again today. A woman who had been popping Midol pills all day like they were candy. Jeans that were 2 sizes too big for me where I couldn't find my own butt lost somewhere deep inside the abyss of my jeans. Baby girl had marker streaked across her face and hands from craft time earlier. Wearing blue owl leggings and a multi-colored striped shirt with croc flip flops in 30% weather. Little man was dressed appropriately but had left over dinner smeared across his face and some unknown "stuff" stuck in his curly hair.

Wow,...even I judged myself. That is one tired Mom in that reflection. Those poor kids,..I wonder if they even have food to eat.

Managed to keep little man in my arms although he was fighting the best wrestling match of all time trying to squirm away. I think everyone in the Starbucks loved the screams and squeals coming out of his mouth. It mixed perfectly with the smooth jazz and the book reading that was going on there.

When did I become so uncool?

Back in the car, back in the car seats we went on our way to Chick-Fil-A. Very unfortunately as I tried to boost Little Man higher up on my hip, coffee poured all over the front of my shirt. Now this only drew attention to my boobs. My boobs that were being carried in an old bra that doesn't fit at all. You know the one you wear on a day when you plan on staying inside. The good old stand by. The one that lets them droop down as low as they want to go. The one that gives your boobs a day off. Now with the coffee high-lighting them it was ever so painfully obvious that boob A was a size 12 bowling ball and boob B was a size 8 bowling ball. Symmetry, don't take it for granted.

I HATE the play structures at fast food places. My children ALWAYS get lost inside them. When baby girl was still a toddler I remember climbing up to get her while I was 9 months pregnant. That was no easy task and I'm sure I looked ridiculous. As we entered the restaurant, a dagger hit me right in my Achilles heel. Balloons. Balloons everywhere. Balloons that are meant for decoration and not for 2 year old boys. Why do you have to decorate with balloons Chick-Fil-A? Do you know what a cruel joke that is on a parent? Little man went absolutely crazy. Crazy like a drug addict looking for his next fix. Little man and I played tug a war with his arm until I was successful at getting him in the play area. Once inside there was a little boy about 20 months old who began screaming. I looked around for a parent but I was the only one in there. I got up to help the little guy and thought to myself,...I hope little man doesn't get away from me while I'm distracted helping this parent less child.

By this time big kids had decided to come and claim the play structure. What is it with the big kids in the play structure. YOU'RE TOO OLD TO PLAY IN THERE. The rule is, if you are old enough to have a 5 o'clock shadow then you are too old to play in a play structure! They kept opening the door and leaving it open as they stood in the doorway. It was driving me crazy. I knew little man would make his escape at the ever lovin balloons that were taunting him inside the eating area.

Then it happened, I lost little man.

I called up for my daughter to ask if she saw little man up there. She said she did so I relaxed for a moment. This is why I can't stand these play structures. Kids get lost so easily up there and it's hard to find them. Have you ever tried to holler up at a kid explaining to them how to get out when the only knowledge of where they are is how far the echo of their voice sounds. I notice after I had sat there for quite a while drinking my coffee that I hadn't heard little man's voice. Quite strange and out of the ordinary. I call to baby girl again and ask her one more time if little man is with her. This time she replies, "No." Silent panic sets in. I go outside to the restaurant area just to make sure I don't see little man. I come back in and like a crazy person I make all the kids who are playing stop what they are doing and go inside the tubes to find a baby. I give them all explicit directions and order them to call down for me once they have found him. Growing anxious I decided it was time for me to crawl up inside the tubes.

Fear. Panic. Nausea

What happens next? Someone walks into the play area with my son in their hands. That's right. Little man had gotten out for who knows how long to retrieve the balloon. He was getting that balloon no matter what. I was mortified and relieved all at the same time. I looked disheveled and uncared for and so did my children. And now this uncared and disheveled Mom had lost her own child. I did what any Mom would do next,..packed my kids and headed home.

Should have stayed home? Now that's an understatement.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Never Take a Man to the Mall

The larger than life sized doors magically opened and we were greeted by a magical land. A land that had everything you didn't know you needed to offer.

The aroma. The smells that lingered in the air and gently kissed our cheeks. Aww,..the food court. The man who came up with the concept of a food court, genius. Pure genius. Where else can you get a sausage on a stick and a life sized chocolate chip cookie all under one roof.

There's a huge carousel in our mall. Hubby took our 2 kiddo's and our 5 year old niece for a ride. There was my magnificent hubby getting all 3 kids strapped to the horses. Maybe he's not too bad after all. I love that man. The carousel begins to turn and the painted horses begin galloping up and down. I soaked up all the sights and sounds.

There they come,...rounding the corner. Wave to Mommy.

There they come again. Some thing's different this time. Why is the carousel attendant on the ride with my hubby and kiddo's?

There they come again. Why is hubby getting up on a horse leaving little man in the arms of a stranger?

This woman was absolutely crazy. I'm talking certifiably crazy. She had taken some kind of liking to little man while they were in line and apparently she couldn't keep herself away from him. Apparently she had 17 grand children and a 12 year old son still at home. How is that even possible?

By the end of the day, hubby and I had gotten into several arguments. Who was suppose to get the high chair at the food court. Why did you let crazy lady hold little man while you rode a horse? The kids want balloon animals, they're only $2.00. Stop looking so miserable! Can't we just stop into Banana Republic real quick since they're having a sale. It's your turn to take the kids for a potty break. Who has the car keys,'s time to go!

The mall is no place for a man.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I Must Blog

I must blog, must sit down at the computer. Surely I have something clever to say. Hello brain, are you there? No answer. Wait, the machine is picking up. "Hello, you've reached Michelle's brain. We're not in right now because we are too crowded with the millions of graphics that have recently been stored in our head. Not to mention the hundred's of checklists and to do's that have been compiled and stored for later reference. Michelle has so nicely decided to try and learn dreamweaver. Doesn't she know that's way too complicated for this simple mind to comprehend. She must be full of herself. Leave a message at the beep."

My name is Michelle and I am a graphics aholic. I just can't help myself. I'm involved in a heavy relationship with Photoshop and am having an affair with Dreamweaver. It's a complicated relationship to say the least. Our evenings are usually spent something like this:

ME: Why can't I insert a table here
Dreamweaver: Because you are a complete moron who is in over your head
ME: Stop messing with my borders
Dreamweaver: Stop messing with equipment you can't handle
ME: Why can't I just drag and drop
Dreamweaver: Because YOU are a drag
ME: Fine, I'm going over to Photoshop

Photoshop: No you can't create a text path like that
ME: Have you been talking to Dreamweaver?

Before long I start speaking in tongue. Things like, CSS, HTML, insert tag, remove tag, pixels,


It's enough to drive a girl crazy. I've hit myself over the head with a frying pan so much that I think the frying pan is starting to get it's feelings hurt.

Eventually I think I'm going to start a blog about html, graphics and such. Maybe call it Cracking the Code...cute name right? For whatever reason, people don't want to share information. It's like in order to be adopted into the club you have to drudge through the mud first. Not me, once I get this stuff figured out I'm starting a blog and sharing allll the secrets. Take that you graphic Nazi's!

Waddlers and Toddlers eBay has been given some great attention lately. Next post I'll go into more detail but I did want to recognize those who are visiting from the store. First, thanks so much for coming! I can see you all in my traffic reports so I know you're there. You can't hide! And 2nd, I promise to get to more of the goods, not just my rambling! As suggested by a fabulous customer who somehow thinks this blog is worth reading, I'll be placing a calender over there on the right of this blog that will list the schedule of sales. That way, if you miss a day at the blog you wont have to wonder if you missed a sale. I just listed tons of my fav's that I've been waiting to get up. Tons of Matilda Jane, me they are adorable. My all time fav Baby Gap lines, Miss Mod, Northern Lights, Woodsy Treehouse, Crazy Stripes and Boho. Want to know what the fastest selling items have been.......LEG WARMERS. How adorable right. Little girls in their sweater dresses and leg warmers.

Now, I'm off to catch up in Blogworld. I've missed my blog friends and I must go see what their creative minds have been up to. Love you girls!